there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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