I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
