"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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