Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
