Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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