So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
