I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
