She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
