you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize