I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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