all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
