Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
