I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize