He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
