can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
