Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
