Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
