So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
