Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you win again, gameday.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize