After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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