do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
