i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
