I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize