i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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