I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
