Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
