I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just found puke in my bra..
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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