then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
