I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
