areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
