Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
