We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
