He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
