That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
