We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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