; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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