I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
