discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
it's great music for shaving your balls
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
