If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize