After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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