Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
