you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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