you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
