Say something about gay babies.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
