so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize