Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize