you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
