i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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