Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
