Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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