New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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