I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
