i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
