There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
