96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
