The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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