i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize