That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
What a dumb baby whore.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
