I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
