I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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