she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
