Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
