i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
