You're my little dorito
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i barfeds in our rink
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
