all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
