Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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